Got a dirty little wine secret you’re itching to receive absolution for? Maybe it’s that you stole a bottle of red from your parents’ liquor cabinet when you were underage, or that you secretly really like Moscato. But don’t fear – no sin is too great for our High Sparrow of Wine.

Seek out the High Sparrow deep in our vinous confession chamber and prepare to unburden yourself of any and all wine-related sins.

Some suggestions for wine sins you may have committed:

  1. Speaking ill of or disrespecting any grape varietals used in the production of this most holy of beverages
  2. Consuming this holy beverage in a vessel other than those approved by the Sept (e.g. cans, goon boxes, or plastic cups)
  3. Spilling red wine on a lighter surface and failing to clean it up
  4. Spilling wine at all (being wasteful is a sin)
  5. Not having a corkscrew so having to push the cork into the bottle
  6. Not having wine in one’s household at all.

Release yourself from guilt and absolve your sins by sharing them with our High Sparrow.

O Lord of Wine, I am heartily sorry for having offended you and I detest all my sins, because I dread the loss of wine and the pains of having no wine. But most of all because I have offended you, Wine Lord, when wine is all good and deserving of all my money. I firmly resolve with the help of your grace, to confess my sins, to do penance and to drink more wine. Amen.

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